Alan Richman, a wine critic for GQ, writing for Canada’s National Post, jotted out this amusing little dollop of modern-living realism that hits home for those of us whose castles are a bit claustrophobic:

“Long ago, people in castles drank wine. People in hovels drank swill. The good stuff was stored in cellars. The other was not….Then came democracy and apartment-dwelling for one and all. Now everybody feels entitled to fine wine, but nobody knows where to put it. You can install a temperature-controlled refrigeration unit in your living room, if you want friends to think your decorator was Robert Mondavi. You can put it under your bed, if you want to live a ’70s lifestyle. You can be smart and never buy wines that are supposed to improve with age.”

He goes on to explain which wines to refrain from purchasing if you haven’t got the patience to wait for a good wine to age or the space to keep it: red bordeaux, red or white burgundy, barolo, and vintage port or champagne—these are no-gos. And if you’re That Dude, the one who isn’t impressed until confronted with the most random, trivial and titillating of warnings: stay away from “Grange from Australia.” Seriously? Grange from Australia? It might be safe to say that one should keep one’s distance from grange in general. Sounds catching.